Funny Aussie US Translation for Americans and Australians

Here in sydney we are uniquely connected to most major cultures in the world as a result of years of overcoming geographic  isolation and also managing our immigration in a fairly haphazard manner.

What could be perceived as a structural disadvantage or government policy failure has actually ended up being fairly good to the extent that we now have an awesomely connected and multi-cultural society.

Arguably the best connected axis is the UK since we drew our first settlers (after the original indigenous Australians of course) followed by strong links with Asia (for example the gold rushes over a century ago) and also North America. This is before we consider the specific cultures of Europe (particularly Mediterranean countries) and the old French Empire and of course specific strong corridors of trade and immigration like South East Asia.

So we are fortunate to have as a result around 150 languages widely spoken here on the East Coast of Australia. At the same time 61% of the people on the internet are in our timezone (and 68% on the West Coast) both of these numbers are arguably the highest of any country/continent in our categories of development, education, economic strength, quality of life and force of law.

It is fun to highlight a little of our simple differences since we have to work with so many different cultures.

Here is a great primer on language differences. It is fairly informative and also pretty funny.

I am going to share this with our international offices at Freelancer.com and try and find equivalent videos for the AU-UK, AU-EU, AU-CN and AU-SEA corridors that are also fun and informative. Feel free to add them in the comments if you know any.

It is a great primer for anyone doing international business especially tech startups, students or anyone planning to travel.

Gandhi The Entrepreneur

Shared with me by my good friend Amarsh Anand who is currently in China returning to Australia. A wonderful set of insights on how all of us can change the world. I believe Amarsh started this series off, I suspect it will be the first of many once people start to understand the depth of power from these approaches in out modern internet enabled context.

Startups 101 – Pete Cooper Speaks At Customs House

I spoke recently to a few hundred people at Customs House in Sydney CBD down near Circular Quay, a gorgeous old sandstone building.

If you know anyone that is learning or just entering the tech startup space in Australia this playlist is a MUST WATCH.

The City Of Sydney (CoS) Lord Mayor Clover Moore introduced the program of professional tech startup industry experts –

  1. Pete Cooper – SydStart
  2. Riley Bachelor – GA
  3. Kim Heras – PushStart
  4. Melanie Perkins from Canva

The genesis of the night was a startup round table of 20 leaders called by the City of Sydney strategic development unit lead by Andrea and Charnelle after our chats earlier in the year. This unit has the rare skill of planning up to 20 years in advance which is great to see but I wouldn’t want that challenge…

The round table was chaired by City of Sydney CEO Monica Barrone who has been a steady supporter of the program and the ecosystem. They made it happen along with Jo Kelly and Gail Marshall and the CoS even rolled out the green carpet for us. Huge Thanks.

The event was oversubscribed and post event survey made us all very happy –

  • 100% satisfaction rate and a
  • 99% ‘I’d recommend to a friend’ rate

Both of which are remarkable.

The next one has been scheduled for September. I hope they book the Sydney Town Hall for 500 people cause I think we can fill it, then we can get them all to attend SydStart too.

They rolled out the green carpet for the startups 101 night at customs house in the sydney cbd. Pete Cooper from sydstart spoke.

They rolled out the green carpet for the startups 101 night at customs house in the sydney cbd.

It wasn't xmas but this was the most recent wide angle view photo I had, awesome no?

It wasn’t xmas but this was the most recent wide angle view photo I had, awesome no?

Different. An Essay By James Cooper

My son James wrote this a couple of months before his 13th birthday, I found it highly evocative and insightful. He picked up the style from some school reading and I think it shows remarkable empathy for sufferers of all sorts of conditions.

The formatting is his and I think adds to the sense of urgency in the mind of boy his story depicts.


An Essay By James Morris Cooper.

Running. Pushing. Shoving. Don’t trip, get up. Colour, black and white, in and out of focus. Can’t see.

“Hey, watch it mate!”

“Oi! What’s your problem?”

Mustn’t be late, can’t be late. Need them. Need them now. I burst through the doors, tearing away from those people. The normal. I’m different from them, can’t be like them ever. They won’t let me.

Can’t be late. I need them now.

I see him. The man. The nice, friendly man. He takes care of me. Must get to him.

Too different. Must get to him so I’m not late.

“Hey kiddo. Why are you running? We’ve got fifteen more minutes,” he says to me, “Want to get a milkshake?”

No no no no no. Can’t be late. Must get them now.

“Well, I’ll take that as a yes. Hop in.”

I hesitate, and then step into the metal machine, screaming inside. The fast, moving machine. It’s evil, but the man doesn’t listen to me. Ever. Need them now.

“How was your day? I see you went to the library. Those books are good for you.”

I remember the books. I love them. They are my escape. My refuge. My home.

They understand me. Can’t be late.

“You know, the doctor says you should talk a bit more.”

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Only talk for woman. Nice. Nicer than the man. Makes me feel like a normal. Too different. Must get to them.

The machine stops. Too evil, must get away from it. I drop my books and rip the door open, slam it shut to hurt the monster. Run inside. Hide behind counter while the man orders. Only chocolate. Never vanilla. Mustn’t be late.

“Whoa, slow down there! You’ll get a stomach ache before you know it”

Block out the man. He knows nothing. Chocolate so soothing. Like the books. My friends.

We get back into the machine and roar away. It’s evil. It try’s to hurt us, but the man has to control it. Turn the wheel to escape the danger. Too fast. Must slow down. Screaming.

“Hey, hey, hey, take it easy! It’s all right, I’ll slow down. I was just having a bit of fun, that’s all”

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Too fast. He’ll hurt me if he crashes.

I see it. The house. The big one. The woman is there. Must get to her. Must get them.

I open the door and step out onto to the rushing floor below. Pain. Spinning.

Blood. The machine stops rolling away. The man steps out and runs to me, screaming.

I get up, push away the pain and limp to the house. To her. To them. I must have them.

The man grabs me and shouts again. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He won’t let go. Too loud. Punch him. More blood.

He falls and I keep limping. I reach the door and open it. Moan as pain hits me. Silence. No woman. Screaming again. I must find them myself.

“Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing! I know its time, but could you calm down? You’re over reacting.”

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I’m searching for them. Climb the tall chair to top of fridge.

Open cupboard and pull it all out. Falling. The pain hits even harder. Must get them.

“Mate, just calm it down. I’ll get them for you.”

Too much pain. Must let man get them. He’s moving too slow.

“Here they are.”

He holds up the container. I lunge for them. Open it and they fall to the floor. Pick them up. The pills. Hands shaking. Swallow them.


“Sorry dad.” I say. I pick myself up and walk to the bathroom to wash off the blood.

“Your mum and I are used to it,” he says, sighing. “You’re just different, that’s all.”